PDA aka Seriously, Knock it Off
I know that talking about PDA has become mega-redundant, but it seems to be something that people still don’t get. And since I have a very poor gag reflex, I figured I gripe about it this week. Of course, if there is anything you’d like me to address in particular, I am always open to suggestions. Have at it at lanewaydavey@loveintoronto.com
HAND HOLDING
This is totally fine. I have no issues with this. Additionally, this is the kind of PDA that gets even cuter as a couple ages (have you ever seen octogenarians holding hands? Adorable!)
KISSING: LIPS CLOSED
Again, this is totally fine…in moderation. One or two is cute. 30 are not. Nothing makes me sadder than a woman emasculating a man treating him like he is a ‘widdle baby’.
KISSING: VIVE LE FRANCE
I know you’re in love. I know it feels right. And I also know that assault is still a criminal offense, so don’t make me slap you. Nobody wants to see you kissing like you’re in slow motion. Trust.
ARMS AROUND SHOULDERS/WAIST
This is cute and is like saying, “I like the idea of hugging you, but right now we are walking and we can’t do both at the same time”. I respect you people.
HOLDING EACH OTHER FOR NO REASON aka THE ROMEO & JULIET
What are you, forlorn lovers? Will you not see each other at 5pm when work is over? Why are you standing in front of the streetcar stop in a heartbreaking embrace as if one of you is going off to war? You are going to work, take it easy. It’s only 8 hours!
HAND ON ASS
Honestly, are you not getting enough attention? You look like a pervert. The worst part is when the ass that the hand is occupying isn’t that good. It’s like hanging a big sign on it that says, “take a look at this huge, unfortunate, dumpy horse butt. Read ‘em an weep, boys, it’s all mine!”
THE PUBLIC SPOON
You know what I’m talking about here; you ever find yourself standing in line at the grocery store behind a couple, and the guy is standing behind his girlfriend with his arms around her? And he looks like his crotch is glued to her back? And it also looks like he’s choking her? Ew ew ew! How many douche chills do you get when you see a guy doing this?! Dude, knock it off! You look so needy! Grow a pair, for serious.
MAKIN’ BABIES
More often that not I have had the unfortunate pleasure of seeing people simulating/actually having the big S. Were you raised in the garbage? Holy crap, show some restraint people! Your car isn’t invisible. And that washroom stall isn’t soundproof. This may be the best moment in the world for you two, but it’s grossing everyone else out big time.
