Walking the PTL Line
By Anthony Peter
Just to clear up any confusion, by ‘PTL’ (part-time lover), what I am actually referring to is what most of us would otherwise call the ‘F-buddy’ (I refrain from using the actual expletive, but we all know for what infamous word that letter stands). Over the years, as the figure of the part-time lover has become a celebrity in its own right and been portrayed across many media forums, there have been many pieces of advice written on how to make it easy, breezy and…well, you know the rest. Naturally, when I found myself at a recent PTL fork (a semi-infamous “f” word) in the road, I decided to take a little stroll of my own… all in the name of a writer’s research duty, of course. And while I’ve had some success in the past, it turns out the PTL line is not always such an easy one to walk.
Part-time lovers come in several varieties. It’s important to understand this because, like most everything else that is complex in life, the sum of its parts equals the whole. The most common PTL situation is, quite simply, two single people who are for-whatever-reason only looking for sex. Next, we have the attached PTL who is in a relationship and for-whatever-reason is just looking for a temporary or on-going sexual side dish. Unfortunately, however simple a pleasure it may seem, the truth is that when you add the variable of sex to any equation, the last thing you are liable to end up with is a clear value. What we’ve learned to follow is a very strict PTL Protocol that consists of very clear rules: we never “get personal,” never develop “deeper feelings,” and always “keep things real.” In other words, the rules amount to conciseness: the participants are to focus on the sex and only the sex. This is not a dinner-and-dancing date. However, if you’re like me and love a good challenge or mystery, then the rules can be a tough, albeit not impossible, pill(ow) to swallow. In the best-case scenario, you play by the rules, you have your fun (safely of course), and when one of you decides that’s a wrap- usually either because of a new PTL or a relationship- the curtain falls, perhaps with one last encore and one final bow. In the worst-case scenario, you break a rule, then you break another, and then suddenly you realize you’re below sea level without your tangerine orange water wings.
As much as I would love to tell you I notched one up under the best-case scenario column, I must unfortunately and shamefully confess that this time I ended up in PTL Purgatory. I pretty much broke every rule. Go ahead, laugh and point. No, really; I deserve it. I started out keeping things very impersonal, very focused, and very concise… which lasted all of about three seconds. Well, now I know, and I have to confess it’s a great deal harder than it appears. Once you break one rule, it’s Domino City, with you falling hardest of all. And if you thought the rulebook was closed, you’re mistaken, for there is still the biggest PTL faux-pas of all: NEVER date your part-time lover. Statistically speaking, relationships that start out primarily based on sex and/or are based solely on sex have a lower survival rate. While sex has many healthy advantages and fulfils a very important human desire and need, it’s still called ‘sex’ and not ‘relationship;’ the two words may be often found side by side, but they are not synonymous for a reason. Deep down, we all know that a solid relationship should consist of love, trust, communication, and respect: all things that can quickly get muddled amongst PTLs. And since the whole foundation of a PTL arrangement is to prioritize sex to the exclusion of other relational elements, it seems it would prove an even greater challenge to start a relationship from there versus from most other, more average circumstances. Still, although it’s a challenge, it’s not impossible. And while I’m fairly certain it’s not quite what Johnny was referring to, I’m still going to heed his advice and fuse it with mine: Keep your eyes wide open all the time and your hands firmly on the rulebook when walking the PTL line.
December 29th, 2007 at 8:25 am
Very interesting. However, what if the part time lover is actually not just based on sex? How would that work out? How do the rules play out and how can 2 people keep it real when feelings become at stake? I could keep asking more and more questions. I think you are right though about the “not dating” idea, but really, even part time sex can lead to comfortable and familiar sex which can lead to confusion. Intriguing.