Contingency-Boyfriends and Pregnancy Woes

Dear Kris,

My ex-boyfriend just moved back into town, and I’ve been spending most of my time with him. My old feelings for him are coming back, and he’s mentioned that he wants me to date him again. The problem is that I have a boyfriend that I love very much, and I don’t want to leave him. At the same time, I can’t ignore my feelings for my ex. What should I do?

Jen

Dear Jen,

I’m not going to sugarcoat this for you: proverbially speaking, you seem to selfishly want to have your cake and eat it, too. Sorry, but you just can’t have both.

First of all, why are you spending all your time with your ex? There must have been a reason you broke up, and surely it’s still valid. If you love your current boyfriend so much, you really don’t need to be hanging out with your former boyfriend more.

You say that you don’t want to leave your present boyfriend, but I have a feeling that may be because you want to keep him as a fallback if your ex doesn’t work out again. If I’m right, do him a favour – break up with him before you put him through hell. Maybe the best thing right now is to take some time without any boyfriend, so you can figure out what, and whom, you really want. There’s no need to drag two guys around until you decide which one wins you as the grand prize.

~ Kris

Dear Kris,

I’ve been married to my husband for two years now, and we’re thinking of having a baby. I’m scared about being pregnant because I think my husband will stop finding me attractive. He’s always liked me at my slimmest, and I’m worried that he’ll cheat on me or leave me once I grow bigger. Am I crazy?

Ally T.

Dear Ally,

I think it’s common for a woman to fear that her man will find her unattractive when she’s pregnant. But you need to also realize that many men find their pregnant partner beautiful – after all, it’s his kid growing in that body.

I suggest you step back and evaluate the kind of man you’re with. He may like you when you’re slim, but is he obsessive about it? Is vanity an important issue with him? Does he insist that you look your best at all times? Assuming the man is not scum, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.

Try talking to him; tell him your fears. Hopefully he will lay them to rest, and you can move on with a worry-free pregnancy. Good luck!

Kris